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Family Ties
Family trees have deep roots in film. Yes, there's an element of nepotism that is incredibly frustrating when you think of how many talented, hard-working creatives you know who simply don't have the...
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London Calling
One day, I'll remember which James is the good one and which is the piece of crap.Considering I get TWO of the good ones in today's movie, maybe that day has finally come. Quick Plot: On the 100th...
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I'm Geeking Out...About Christmas
We interrupt this regularly scheduled space of movie talk to cordially invite you to see ME, in person!If you're anywhere near the Brooklyn area on December 5th, consider getting yourself a ticket to,...
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Won't You Kill My Neighbor?
“Evil Mr. Rogers” is a concept that screams for the horror treatment. How has it taken this long?Quick Plot: Young Darren loves nothing more than Mr. Crocket, a Mr. Rogers-y television show that airs...
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Swapping Bodies Bodies Bodies
Unlikable but attractive young people are a hallmark of horror. We watch this genre knowing characters will die, so making them pleasant to look at and just awful enough to kind of wish violence upon...
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Tongue-Tied
What's a great way to get horror fans to watch your movie? Release an American remake that makes viewers mad, then gets good reviews, then makes you realize that you'll inevitably have to watch both....
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Tis the Seasonal Horror
Wait...that's not it.Okay.For a rough stretch in the mid-aughts, Christmas horror had become the new zombie movie in that amateur filmmakers could make them cheaply, slap on a clever title or cover...
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Let's Shake Things Up
Maybe it's because I like interactive seasonal toys...Or maybe it's because this was the first time I understood a Far Side cartoon:Or maybe, just maybe, it's that they're really cool.No matter the...
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Morning Person
Live, die, repeat is as good a premise for a horror movie as any. Sadly the underlying film doesn't always live up to that.Quick Plot: Bobby is a sloppy musician trying to make good with his higher...
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Stairway to Somewhere
Ambition is a beautiful thing, but when making your very first feature film, it can be, well, a little much.Quick Plot: In 1997, a boy named Jessie goes on a hunting day trip with Grandpa Gene (John...
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Speak No More Evil
It’s been a while since we’ve done a good ol’ compare and contrast. While I generally find “the original is better than the remake!” arguments dull, I also find the very idea of a talented filmmaker...
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Lessons Learned: The 2024 Edition
As has always been true of being a chubby person with short legs, I tend to run slow. It's as true in a 5K as it is in blogging, where my 16 year and still going tradition has been to do the annual...
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Best of (My) Year
We close out yet another year with yet another tradition: it’s my own personal best list, pulling out the hearty recommendations of (my) 2024. My only guarantee here is that no other list will have...
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Shortening Some Holes
Welcome to the 15th Annual Shortening!Yes, I've probably reused that joke. IT'S BEEN 15 YEARS.What's a Shortening, you might ask due to its capitalization? February being the year's shortest month, me...
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It Don't Mean a Thing If It Ain't Got That Sting
Two movies into February's Attack of the Vertically Challenged and we've got an interesting development: our short villains are creations of far taller beings. It's not the little children or wasps...
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Shoe Goes There
As we continue honoring horror films that feature vertically challenged villains in the month of February (as one is wont to do), I find myself hitting against my first real existential question: does...
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Making Contact With Joey
In my 43 years on this planet, there are a few images that have stuck in my brain in the worst of ways. One of them was Joey.I was probably all of 7 when I caught a glance of this cover art on the...
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Nerd Alert!
It's been far too long since I nerded out with some genre book recommendations. So put on those spectacles and let's go to the library!Fantasticland by Mike BockovenWorld War Z (the book, not bland...
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The Sound of Silence
It should go without saying at this point that any horror fan should be investing in a Shudder subscription. Not every new film it hosts works, but you can usually count on whatever it's pushing to at...
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What Pairs Best With Foot?
You know what subgenre doesn't get the credit it deserves? Dinner party horror. Give me an elegant shot of protein's greasy skin, the sparkle of a dangly earring frantically bouncing as the tense but...
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Flying Economy
A few months back, I watched the first three entries in the Airport series over the course of a few days. The experience was, well, weird. Have you seen these movies? They're insane, in both terrible...
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Where'd You Go?
Ah, the made-for-TV movie. Even as the golden era ended at the turn of the century, stations like TBS kept gifting the world with these treasures. Quick Plot: Nothing unites a new family like a road...
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You Gotta Have Faith
There are few worse conversations to be stuck in than the ones with people whose opinions you share, but who are incredibly obnoxious about making sure everyone around you knows why those opinions are...
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It's Really Coming Down Out There
It's never a good thing to watch a horror movie and wonder if the Hallmark Christmas version would be better, but when a film comes loaded with a Hallmark-ready title and Lifetime-budget CGI, it's...
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Presidential Inception
I'm sure there's some kind of essay to be written on Dennis Quaid going from trying to prevent a Ronald Reagan stand-in from starting a nuclear war to, 20 years later, playing Ronald Reagan, but we'll...
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